Heisman Bound?
Those who know me well, have always known me to be something of an anti-sports fanatic. Over the years, I’ve spent a great many hours railing against many of the more popular sports, reserving praise for just a few athletic endeavors such as volleyball, NASCAR, boxing, and occasionally golf. I do enjoy watching a good minor league baseball game (live only, no televised games for me, thanks!), but I can’t stand pro baseball, and I have historically abhorred NFL. Suffice to say, I’m not a big fan of most sports.
Well, several weeks ago, a close personal friend invited myself and TWGW over to his house to enjoy a burger and watch a college football game.
Hey! Free meal! I’m in.
I learned a few things that day.
- It’s much more fun to watch a game with true fans who understand the game.
- College players look like they’re playing for the love of the game, and not the paycheck.
- Technology has made football infinitely more watchable since I was a kid; that magic 1st down line is cool.
Since watching UT win that game, I’ve found myself hooked (pun intended) on college football. I have friends and relatives who follow the sport religiously, and now I find myself having more insight into their enthusiasm. I’ve even gone so far as to buy a used copy of NCAA ‘06 for the PS2 in an attempt to better understand the game.
I can’t help but wonder, though, if my newfound enthusiasm for college football isn’t just the fact that television has become so full of craptastic reality shows that football is now the most attractive option on the schedule.
At any rate, it’s fun seeing the perplexed looks on my friends’ faces when I use words like “interception” and “hail Mary.” Like anything else, I’ll enjoy it until the new wears off, I suppose. Until then:
Hook ‘em!
This is Not Your Father’s Shaving Advice Part 4
Everyone’s favorite Uncle is back with some more shaving tips. This still isn’t your father’s shaving advice.
1. Baby Bear’s bed was juuuuust right.
Often times, it can be difficult to get your lather to the right consistency, and thus your shave turns out miserable. The problem may not be your soap/cream, technique, or razor. Check your water. It could be that you have “hard” water. You needn’t run out and buy a water softening system (though Uncle Albert hears they are nice); you can simply add a little baking soda to your sink/tub. About a cup to a tub, or a few tablespoons to the sink. Just don’t slip in the tub!
2. Dick Tracy Villains Inquire Within.
Your face is like rubber. It bends, it stretches, and it snaps more or less back into place. This makes it hard to get a super close shave sometimes. You know that spot under your jawline that just sort of squishes around when you run your razor over it? Pull your skin tight, move that spot up over your jawline if necessary. You might try making an “O” with your mouth to get the skin on your cheeks to pull tight enough. Don’t be afraid of looking like Jim Carey, it’s just you and the mirror.
3. Jeremiah Was a Bullfrog.
Sometimes, you just can’t pull your skin tight enough to get that weird spot on your neck. Try tucking your chin down toward your chest, and puffing out your jowls. This might make you look like a bullfrog, but it might help you get that tricky patch.
4. Let me bend your ear.
Head shaver? Getting that patch behind your ears is a delicate situation sometimes. Try folding the top of your ear down so you can get in nice and close, while protecting the soft fleshy part of the thing you hear with. If you’re shaving with a DE, don’t forget that the razor has a blade edge on both sides! Few things bleed like a sliced ear.
5. “Manscaping”
If you haven’t encountered a discussion on this concept yet, you will. It is, at best, an indelicate topic. Just remember a few key things. Pull your skin tight, be careful, leave some around the outer edges, and don’t follow up with a splash of Pinaud’s Bay Rum.
6. How’s it hangin’?
How do you store your shave brush? Some say bristles down is the only safe way, others say bristles up is a-okay. Uncle albert hasn’t noticed much difference, and the truth is, you likely won’t either. Everyone has their theories on why they store their brush in the manner of their choosing. Nobody’s right. Nobody’s wrong. Store it how you like.
7. Gee, Bert, You need to pluck!
Got a monobrow? Pluck it. I know there’s a temptation to shave that little area, but the irritation from the razor will be up-front and annoying. Man up, grab the tweezers, and yank out those hairs.
8. Water, water everywhere, and not a drop to drink!
Water is your friend when it comes to wetshaving. You want lots of moisture to help the razor glide over your skin. Water is also great for your skin. It’s the original moisturizer. Water is, however, bad for your blade. Be sure and shake your blade dry when you’ve finished rinsing it off. Rust is a nasty thing to have scraping on your skin.
9. A generation apart.
This is isn’t really shaving advice, but more like parenting advice (from your childless Uncle, no less). Let your kid see you shave (Unless of course, you’re experimenting with #5–Shaving lessons should not induce the need for therapy). He’ll be fascinated, and he’ll be super amused at the way you look like Jim Carey swallowed a bullfrog as you gurn at the mirror.
10. Pardon me, Ma’am.
Sometimes it’s easy to forget that women shave too. More and more ladies have learned to love the DE experience. When you’re roaming around on the shaving forums, don’t forget that guys. Ladies, see the above advice. One day, your daughter will thank you for teaching her how to shave her legs.
So there it is folks. The fourth installment in Uncle Albert’s Amazing Shaving advice. Try not to scar your face, try not to scar your children, and enjoy your shave!
Google Maps: The Game
I was looking at the “street level” view of my hometown the other day and an idea that has been stewing in my mind for many years was brought to the forefront again.
Here’s the facts as I see them:
1. Google has street level map data of pretty much every location in America.
2. Google has street level photos of most municipalities in America, growing every day.
3. Topographical data for every location in the world is available online.
4. Traffic data can be easily tracked and displayed online with at least cursory accuracy.
5. Demographic data for Law enforcement agencies can be easily tracked and displayed (ie. number of state troopers in a given county).
6. Demographic data for every municipality in America is available on Google (ie. Walmart is at 123 Anystreet, Wompwoller MI).
Okay, so why couldn’t (and more importantly, why hasn’t?) some enterprising young programmer devise a racing game that pulls map data from Google?
You could pull the map data, overlay it with topo to get the general lay of the land, and use generic images to hold the place of either “a business” or “a house” along the roads. Then, you populate the game with roughly the same congestion and law enforcement ratio of the area.
Imagine a racing game where you can scream through the alleys of your own home town.
Hey Internet! Get on this, ASAP!
