Here’s Chapter 5, already!Chapter 5
Chiun stood at the ready, wearing his white kimono with the fierce red velvet dragons poised on either sleeve, protecting the bold blue pheonix on his back. He looked like a barber pole holding a megaphone.
“You look like a barber pole holding a megaphone, Little Father,” said Remo.
“This is proper attire for directors of theatre, Remo, I wouldn’t expect your artless soul to comprehend,” replied the barber pole–through his megaphone.
“Okay, okay, you don’t have to shout, I’m right here,” responded Remo, “but seriously, Little Father, couldn’t you have at least cast someone who looked a little more like me to play my part? And don’t even get me started on the name of my character.”
“Dennis Ullard is an exceptable name for a white. And who would you have me cast as Mr. D. Ullard?” inquired the director.
“I dunno, maybe Killroy Hamm, at least he looks a little like me,” Remo replied. “He’s tall and thin, plus he hasn’t done any movies lately, so he’s probably available.”
The old man scrunched his face up in thought, “I do not know this actor. What tales has he performed?”
“Well, he got his start in a movie called ‘College’,” started Remo.
“I do not know this film. What else?”
“Well, he really hit the big-time when he did a movie called ‘Fancy Free’ about a kid who brings dancing to a small conservative town.”
“Dancing is an honorable pastime, Remo, but alas I am not familiar with this story–what else might I know him from?”
“Well, after that he sort of started doing bad, direct-to-video movies… let’s see there was ‘Sandworms’ and then ‘Sandworms 2’ then ‘Sandworms 3: The Return of the Sandworms’, then he starred in ‘Shallow Man’–that was a movie about a guy who can become completely silent. Anything ringing a bell?”
“I loved the ‘Sandworms’ movies, such artful storytelling. I know the actor you are talking about, Remo; he would be miserable in your role. However, I might consider him for the part of the wisened master.”
Remo looked to the master’s left and noticed the trunks piled next to the director’s chair. As he followed Chiun to his seat, Remo felt a rush of irritation with Chiun. “Why did you have to bring all your trunks on set, Chiun?”
“Because, Remo, one can never be too prepared. We will be filming the love scene soon and I must change into the proper attire before giving direction. Now, kindly move the trunks to the right of my chair, they are blocking my view of the set.”
Remo grabbed the trunks roughly, and quickly shifted them around Chiun’s chair, cursing under his breath. He was starting to grow frustrated and if he didn’t find some punk to take his aggression out on soon, he was going to hurt an innocent–not that there really were any innocents in this business.
“Chiun, I’m going for a walk. I’m not sure when I’ll be back,” He grumbled as he stormed off the set, eyes fixed on a jaywalker just past the gates.