Recently, one of our local television stations changed it’s programming. A network known for filling the hours with humorless minority produced sitcoms, suddenly, and inexplicably, decided to load the docket with reruns of some of yesterday’s finest programs. The station now calls itself the “Retro Television Network.”
The afternoon starts with old detective/cop shows from before I was born, and works it’s way through detective shows of my youth as the evening moves on. Yes, once again, the streets are being made safe by the likes of Quincy, Friday, and Magnum. If you like a little more sci-fi with your entertainment, you can also enjoy the likes of talking cars and less talkative angry green monsters.
Why am I bringing all this up? Well, after a little over a month of being reunited with some old classics, I’ve got a few observations I’d like to share with you.
1. As I said, we’ve been watching RTN for over a month, and daily viewings of Dragnet have failed to even once yield the phrase, “just the facts, ma’am.”
2. KITT was kind of pissy.
3. The guys from Adam-12 turn up on Dragnet alot. Did they make a big deal and hype the crossover episodes weeks in advance back then, like they do when “Horatio Caine works a case with the New York CSI, in a very eventful must-see episode!”
4. David-he’ll-always-be-Bruce-to-me-Banner is as talented at falling into troublesome situations as Jessica Fletcher* ever was.
5. Higgins and KITT were alot alike, prissy, British, and employed by the extremely wealthy.
6. “Hey, that’s the third time this month that guy has been on this show! Last week he was the victim, and he had black hair!”
7. The A-Team is not coming on at 8:00 despite what the commercials say.
8. “Wow, I never noticed that dynamic when I was a kid!”
9. That feeling of dread that a pending “to be continued” elicits is just as potent with a 30 year old show as it is with a new series.
10. Man, what has happened to TV?
*Point of fact, Murder She Wrote isn’t part of the line-up, much to my Chagrin. The airwaves can always use more Angela Lansbury hotness.
You hear me, network execs?