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Monthly Archives: October 2008

My Fanfic Moment Chapter 14

Here’s some more Destroyer…

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Posted by on October 28, 2008 in fan fiction, fiction, humour, writing

 

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My Fanfic Moment Chapter 13

You just thought Remo was surprised before…

Watch out for language.

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Posted by on October 23, 2008 in fan fiction, fiction, humour, writing

 

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My Fanfic Moment Chapter 12

This installment of my Destroyer Fanfic holds a little surprise for Remo…

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Posted by on October 22, 2008 in fan fiction, fiction, humour, writing

 

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How I’m Voting.

I, like many other Americans, cannot say that I’m overly fond of the choices I have for president.  It’s been argued that voting for a third party is futile, but I believe I’ve found the ticket that best supports my views, and with their combined power, I see no reason they couldn’t take this election by storm(trooper)!

All kidding aside, this November, please, go vote.  No vote, even for a third party, is a wasted vote.  The election process, flaws and all, is really the main way we have of changing the system.  Just because you think a candidate “doesn’t stand a chance” doesn’t mean you shouldn’t vote for him/her anyway.  If everyone took the time to learn more about all the candidates, then perhaps “your guy” could very well win.

Remember too that the “abstain” vote is as old as the “Yea” and the “Nay” votes.  Sometimes silence speaks louder than shouting.  Just don’t listen to what everyone else is doing.  Inform yourself.  We live in the information age and there is no reason you can’t find out where all the candidates stand.  Vote your conscience.

 

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This Is Not Your Father’s Shaving Advice (Part the Third)

Uncle Albert has come around again, offering some more advice. These are tips that your dad probably didn’t share, but that might make your entry to wetshaving a mite more tolerable. Remember, this is not your father’s advice (part the third).

1. On a scale of 1 to 10… Those little numbers on the neck of your razor represent how harsh the razor is. 1 is the least harsh, 9 is the most. The closer the blade is to the guard, the less hair the blade takes off in a single pass. There’s no shame in shaving on a “1”, especially if you’re a beginner. Some will say that you should “set it and forget it” and others will say that they adjust the razor to a different number for each pass. Both are right–do what works for you.

2. Your Barn Door is Open. When adjusting your razor, be sure and open the silo doors before you adjust your razor. Adjusting your razor without opening the doors first can damage it. Consider this a friendly warning.

3. How long have you had that rash? Sometimes, a single pass, with-the-grain shave is a good thing. If you find that that second pass is causing a lot of weepers then you might want to limit your neck shave to one pass. That light stubble on your neck isn’t nearly as noticeable as you think it is, but those little red bumps don’t make a good commercial for your new-found practices.

4. Mmmm, Old Man Scent! There’s nothing wrong with drugstore scents. Alot of guys love the “classic” scents like Old Spice, Aqua Velva, and Skin Bracer. With so many new and complex scents being over-marketed today, sometimes the old standbys are the freshest scent. Give them a whiff, they might surprise you.

5. Let me “Axe” you something, do you think that smells good? Axe stinks. Actually, it probably doesn’t smell that bad, but it’s overused. If Axe and its clones were music, they’d be that song that they play every five minutes on the radio–you know the one, it sticks in your head until you hate it. Teenagers love Axe, and they don’t realize the difference between cologne and deodorant, so they tend to overuse it. Maybe one day it’ll be the Old Spice of a generation. Let’s hope we don’t live to see that day.

6. You have two ears, use them. Audio feedback can go a long way to helping improve your shave. That “scritching” sound tells you that the blade is cutting hairs. Many will argue that audio feedback isn’t necessary, and some maintain that the noise is an indicator that you don’t have proper blade angle. Uncle Albert disagrees.

7. Sooth the shaving beast. Once you’ve gotten comfortable with your technique and learned to “hear” your shave by touch, try adding a little music to your routine. Uncle Albert likes to load up Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass’s “Whipped Cream and Other Delights” but The Girlwatchers’ “Music to Watch Girls By” is a good album too. A good turntable and some old LPs can really add to the experience.

8. Stop and smell the roses. Rose is a very popular scent with many men. There are various creams, soaps, and aftershaves that serve as a testament to this. If, like Uncle Albert, you find that rose is a little too “sour” smelling for your tastes, you might look to other floral scents. While floral bouquets may not sound masculine, they really can work well for some men. Lavender, Jasmine, and Lilac have been the favourites of men for ages. There is a reason for this.

9. You’ll never know until you try it. Lilac Vegetal is a special aftershave splash. Many don’t like it. Some love it. Few are indifferent. You really owe it to yourself to try Lilac Vegetal at least once. It looks like antifreeze and it smells like skunk in the bottle. Don’t go by what you smell fresh from the bottle, however, it changes on the skin. If you are one of the fortunate few whose body chemistry works well with the green nectar, you will likely love the stuff. If, however, it doesn’t work for you, then you will smell like some sort of heinous chemical cocktail for the rest of the day. If you don’t try it out for yourself, though, you’ll never know and you’ll always wonder.

10. Tiny Bubbles… For those of you who shave in the bath-tub, here’s a tip for rinsing the lather from your face. Get on your knees, and lean forward. Submerge your face (Uncle Albert has to hold his nose) and blow. The bubbles will spread out over your face and neck, gently rinsing the foam off. If you dip your face deep enough into the water, it will get that little bit of lather that always gets stuck behind the front flap of your ear, too. A nice bonus to this technique is that it makes you feel like you’re 10 years old again, albeit for a brief moment.

There it is. This advice is not meant to be a set of steadfast rules, but rather some gentle tips to help you get more out of your shave. I hope it helps you out on your quest to BBSdom, and if it makes you feel a little younger along the way, then so be it!

 

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A Life in the Night of Alex Mauldin

Let’s tune in as Alex ventures boldy into the night…

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Posted by on October 12, 2008 in fiction, humour, writing

 

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Excite e-mail hasn’t stopped sucking.

Well, I gave them time to sort it out.

Really, I did.

My first issue with the “new and improved” excite e-mail started the weekend of July 4th.

I gave them time to sort things out, time to realize the error of their ways, and time to at least offer some consideration for the wants/needs of their long-time users.  I’ve been with excite for probably a decade or more, and I’ve always been a vociferous proponent of their services.  I weathered the @home debacle with them a few years back, and I held on to my guns, always recommending them to people who were in need of a quality web-based e-mail service.

No more.

I cannot, in good conscience, suggest that anyone even consider riding alone in an elevator with excite e-mail.  Their incomprehensible desire to “fix” a service that wasn’t broken has led them to create what is quite likely the world’s largest web 2.0 disaster.  The new user interface is needlessly cluttered, inexcuseably complicated, and horribly inconsiderate to those with low-bandwidth connections.  They haven’t made any decent steps in making the site accessible in a cross-browser environment, if you aren’t using Internet Exploder, you can’t expect full compatibility, so that means you Linux guys are pretty well out of luck.

The team at bluetie.com (the new managers of excite mail) have all but completely isolated themselves from customer feedback.  They simply refuse to respond to accusations that they’ve dropped a giant bowel movement on a large segment of the excite customer base.  The only feedback outlet that anyone has been able to find even effectively says “don’t expect to hear back from us.”

I ask you, dear reader, in what world is this considered customer service?  I get better service than this from the snot-nosed mumbling punk at my local McHeartattack–and he invariably reads “No Onions” as “Pile it Up with Extra Onions.”

I’m fed up with it.  I refuse to put up with mediocre service, and I will begin rectifying any positive word-of-mouth I have given them over the years by a factor of 10.

Excite.com, you have been put on notice.  Bluetie is wrecking your image, and you are losing customers in droves.  Not only that, but they are doing their best to prevent you from ever getting new users.  Hear our voices.  Respond to our pleas.  We are legion.  We are now reachable @yahoo.com.

 
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Posted by on October 9, 2008 in better living, internet, quality

 

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